Wine Reviews

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How did you become such an all-knowing wine guru?

Practice; lots and lots of practice. You think I’m kidding don’t you? The reality is that back in the day I didn’t know one end of a corkscrew from the other. Though my man-about-town image was still in its infancy, it didn’t take me long to figure out that those really cheap bottled in Canada wines with the European-sounding names weren’t scoring me any points with the chicks and if I wanted to upscale my liquid identity, I’d have to start pouring something a bit more interesting into their glasses.

This was the early 1980s. Back then, the Internet came on a few hundred paper pages with a front and back cover. (If I’m being a bit too esoteric for you, I’m talking about books). With few comprehendible reference sources available it was easier getting a doctorate in rocket science than it was learning a little bit about vino. But then along came Hugh Johnson. The Brit’s digestible pocket encyclopedia (that’s still published annually) was a revelation. Nowadays all you’ve got to do is Google whatever you don’t know and you’ll find a link to a dozen “experts” willing to offer their opinion, but last century you took your enlightenment where you could get it.

These may come across as words from a wimpy West Coaster, but until Jim and Susan invited us to join them for a mid-winter visit to their Edmonton home, I had never before seen lacy ice patterns on the inside of a bedroom window. Cool indeed, even if I remember that it wasn’t that the bedroom was particularly cold, it was that the -32 Celsius night outside was punishingly colder.

So, on the second night of our visit, with all of this global cooling around us, it made sense that to inject some warmth into things, we should set fire to the dining room. Let’s do fondue, said Susan. I know it’s such a yesterday thing, but we’ll heat up a pot of oil, coat everything from the bottom drawer of the fridge with batter, and fondue it.

We were into it, and having made a batter of the simplest of ingredients — see below — including a can of frothy beer, we pre-heated a pot of canola oil, lit the flame beneath it, and began dipping, fonduing and graciously dining.

“Wine critics are not afraid to cry.” That’s what I told myself a few months ago at the Green Living show in Toronto, a busy fair of environmentally friendly products. I was in the wine showcase, sipping Nicolas Joly’s 2008 Coulée de Serrant, a Chenin Blanc from the Loire Valley ($109.95). It was the only wine I’ve ever tasted that made me weep for the sheer beauty of it: the nose was a brocade of ginger, beeswax, crème brûlée crust and wet caramelized apple skin. All these notes reappeared lucidly on the palate, where they were braced in a nutty and herbal structure. In terms of texture and complexity, it was a perfect wine.

Thomas Bachelder, the erstwhile winemaker at Le Clos Jordanne, was standing beside me. “It’s a wine from a bygone era,” he said. “The kind of slight, stable oxidation used in this is rare today, but there was a time when nearly all wine was made this way.” I still had tears in my eyes. I was thinking about the first time I ate a baked apple at the Farmer’s Market. “This will last forever in your cellar,” he continued cheerfully. “Half-open, it will last a long time in your fridge too.” Game face, I thought to myself before turning towards him. Is this how Proust felt when he nibbled on that Madeleine soaked in a spoonful of tea? Did people keep jabbering at him too?

When Dionysus descends for the final judgment Steven Spurrier will have a lot to answer for. Spurrier, you may recall, initiated the now ubiquitous phenomenon of pitting wines from different regions against each other in a blind tasting competition.

In 1976, he matched California Chardonnays and Cabernet Sauvignons against white Burgundy and red Bordeaux (in both categories Napa Valley triumphed — much to the chagrin of the French experts who participated). The Judgment of Paris, as it grandly came to be known, spawned a rather bad movie in 2008 entitled Bottle Shock.

This form of wine baiting invariably has a marketing agenda. Put your wines up against the acknowledged leaders in the field and see if the experts can rank them higher or at least on par with renowned wines. Another version of this party game is to throw a ringer into a flight of wines from the same region. In Montreal last year, Le Clos Jordanne Chardonnay Claystone Vineyard 2005 was judged best wine in a flight of white Burgundies. This result prompted Bill Redelmeier, proprietor of Southbook Vineyards, to lead a parade of 40 Ontario Chardonnays to London to open the eyes — and the minds — of the British wine press.

I'm not a picky wine drinker (okay, I am), but my pet peeves stem from a desire to drink good quality and be able to enjoy it. Wineries, wine importers, retailers and restaurants should all endeavour to enhance the consumer’s enjoyment of the grape, not detract from it.

Those who love and enjoy wine may have noticed many of the following annoyances. Someone who finds these pet peeves troublesome shouldn't be considered picky or pretentious. After all, no one should have to drink from wine glasses that smell like the musty cabinet where they are stored, or suffer a discussion with a restaurant server on whether wine that is oxidized is “supposed to taste like that.”

The following list of wine pet peeves is a compilation based on an informal survey of consumers and wine professionals.

“In days of old (when knights were bold) and Bordeaux rouge was claret …”  

Um, okay, I came up with a positively outré rejoinder to this limerick, but realizing it had substantially less than a remote chance of seeing the published page, I ditched it. (Its rhyming couplet suggested an act involving a parrot that would have mortified ornithologists — and decent folk everywhere. Certainly no way to expand the “subscriber base,” as it were.) But I actually was going somewhere with it.

You see, back before the advent of wine scores, gobs of extract and the generally laughable charge being asked for them today, the red wines of Bordeaux were not the opaque 13 to 14 per cent alcohol, oak-seasoned fruit monsters they’ve since morphed into. In fact, they were rather light and pale — almost rosé-ish. The British derived the term “claret” from the French word clairet to describe these pallid tipples.

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